Thursday, June 7, 2012

Losing It

I have lost many things over the course of my lifetime - lost baby teeth, lost pets, lost homework, lost friends, lost loved ones, even lost my sanity at times.  But, the one thing I had never lost in all of my life was a job.  Well, that was about to change as of a few months ago.  At the end of February, I was told I no longer had a job.  And I really liked my job.  I was doing what I had always wanted to do.  I was heartbroken.  This was one of the most utterly depressing things that had ever happened to me.  Some of you who have been through this know this feeling.  Sickness.  Disgust.  Anger.  Sadness.  Crying.  Worry.  Shock.  On that day in February, my life was changed forever.  I was never going to drive to this place to work again.  Ever.  I would never be working with my friends at this place ever again.  I would never sit at this desk ever again.  I would never have that same routine ever again.  I was mad.  What if we lost our house?  What if I couldn't find another job?  What if we had to file bankruptcy?  The one thing I was not was THANKFUL.  Who could be at a time like this, right?  Little did I know...

As it turns out, God knew that I needed to leave that place.  He knew it was the best thing for me, although I would not see that for months.  What I wasn't seeing was an opportunity for me.  An opportunity to take some time for myself and my family.  I had time off now, as crazy as that sounds.  I had time to do things that I never had time to do while I was working.  Of course, I was looking for another job, but I was also spending lots of time with my husband and kids.  Going to Rock City.  Going to the zoo.  I was sewing...during the day!  I could take my kids to school and pick them up without having to worry about being late for work or being late to get them.  Until I lost my job, I didn't realize how much stress I was under.  While I was working, I was always anxious and on edge.  I yelled at Alex to "Hurry up and get ready!!  I have to get you to school so I can get to work on time!"  I was short with Chuck and with the kids.  It wasn't a good way to be.  And now, thanks to losing my job, I was able to figure that out.  I just needed God to show me.  

I know I sound insane, but this is my story.  I know there are many worse stories out there, but I wanted to make the best out of my situation.  I had many, many sleepless and tearful nights.  It took time to get past my resentment and anger.  I was very depressed for weeks.  I still have moments of anger that surface.  But, I got through it with the help of my family and my friends.  I hope others in the same boat are as lucky as I was to have such a good support system.  And, God is always there as well.

I was finally able to find another job.  I am able to work from home now and I love it.  No more driving an hour a half each day to get to work and back.  No more fighting with crazy rush hour traffic - and crazy drivers - to get home.  No more paying $60 a week in gas.  No more stress.  No more anxiety.  I am so very thankful for the job I now have.  I think it was just pure luck that I was in the right place at the right time...or was it?